Never Can Say Goodbye
by SashaAlexanders
Summary: My first Kibbs fic. Gibbs goes to visit Kate.


Gibbs sat on the cold ground, the frozen grass crunching under his feet, the frost that lay on the top of the grass resembling the mans silver hair. The fact that there was frost on the ground made him feel guilty, the last time he had been here the sun was shining and it was a beautiful summers day. This was the one place on earth that made him feel uneasy, scared. Just like this was the one place in the back of his mind that made him feel uneasy and scared.

"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you in a while" he sighed as he leaned against the freezing cold stone. "I miss you, Katie" he sighed again.

His eyes filled with tears. He always cried when it came to Kate. He didn't want to though, he was strong. Tough. A marine. Marines don't cry - even if the woman he loved was shot in front of his eyes, took not one but two bullets for him. After Shannon, Kate was the only woman he ever really loved again, the only one who could make him smile, the only person he ever said 'please' to. Just being in the same room as Katetat always made him feel home, grounded. Her laugh was his favourite thing to hear, her eyes were the most beautiful things to look at, her everything. She was like his favourite book, he knew her inside out, she never bored him and hewould always love her, no matter what. And that was true. Even now, three years later, he still loved her. Gibbs picked at the dead frozen grass on the ground, trying to think where he could start, he had so much to say to her.

"...Abby still has a picture of you in her lab, she speaks to it...to you whenever she's lonely...we both do. Everyone misses you, we would come and visit you more but, well, y'know what it's like, it's busy and well I don't think they like to think about you much, it's too upsetting. You don't forget, you just move on. That's what I tell them anyway and they all seem to listen, probably the easiest thing for them to do, but not me. I've tried to move on, but I can't. Not from you. And I know you're probably up there now, rolling them big, beautiful eyes of yours at me...God I miss those eyes...but I don't want to move on...I found one of your scarves the other day in the back of my closet, it still smelt like you" Gibbs fished out the wooly, multicoloured scarf that Kate used to always wear from his coat pocket and brought it up to his nose. It still smelt like her but it was fading and starting to smell more like him and less like Kate. "It still does. You always did look so cute in this scarf...I was beginning to forget things, the way you'd narrow your eyes when you were mad, the way you smelt, how your feet would always be freezing cold in bed - no matter what season of the year it was, your smile, the way you sung in the shower - very badly might I add" A smile crept onto Gibbs' face as he was remembering all the things about Kate, all the things he loved about her. "Oh, and I met Rachel the other week, seeing her brought everything flooding back. You have the same smile, the same eyes...anyway, she gave me a box of stuff; video's of you growing up, photo's, one of your old t-shirts and i've got to tell you, it made me love you even more...I promised Rachel i'd come and see you more often, I say I promised Rachel but truth is I think I was promising it to you, I know I promised you a lot of things that I never did, got around to doing, but this one i'm going to keep."

Gibbs carried on talking to Kate about anything and everything for hours. It had began to snow but he couldnt tell. He was in his own little world, a world that he got so caught up in he actually felt asif Kate was right next to him. In some ways she was; physically, emotionally, spiritually. Although he always felt close to her, whereever he was, this was the one place he felt closest to her...the one place he also felt most guilty. Guilty she died, that she took two bullets for him, guilty that he couldn't protect her, guilty that he didn't visit her enough. By now, the sun had set and the night was creeping in and Gibbs was still in the same place he had been for the past 7 hours. He didn't know if it was because he was tired, he hdn't had a coffee in hours or if it wasthe cold but his eyes were starting to feel heavy in his head and he eventually fell into a sleep filled with dreams of Kate.

_"Well, Mrs Gibbs, how do you like your new house?" Gibbs flashed his new wife a smile. _

_"I love it!" Kate smiled back, throwing her arms excitedly around Jethro and kissing his cheek. _

_"C'mon, i've got a surprise for you" Gibbs smiled, grabbing Kate by the arm and leading her into one of the bedrooms. _

_Kate's eyes widened in shock as the door opened. Like 2 minutes earlier, the threw her arms around Jethro's neck and kissed him on the lips before jumping up and down excitedly. _

_"You deorated the nursery!" she smiled happily before kissing him on the cheek. _

_"Well, you didn't want our baby living in a drawer did you?" Gibbs laughed, rubbing Kate's bump._

_"I love you" Kate pulled her husband into an embrace, her hands cupping his face before she moved them to around his neck, her fingers rubbing the back of his head, his short, spikey hair tickling her fingers._

_"I love you too" Gibbs replied, looking into Kate's big brown eyes before pulling her in for a sweet kiss. _

**"BOSS!" **

The familiar voice ripped him from his dreams.

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked sleepily.

"We've been worried about you, you never turned up to work together and then we find you asleep in nearly an inch of snow"

"I was visiting Kate"

"Kate?"

"Yeah, you know, Kate Todd, your former partner, my fiancée?" Gibbs' voice was raised, angry and annoyed at what Tony had just said.

"Oh yeah" Tony cleared his throat, noticing the headstone next to Gibbs. "You er, mind if I have a few minutes?" Tony asked, his voice laced with his own guilt.

"Sure. I'm sure she'll appreciate you speaking to her" Gibbs looked down at the gravestone. "I love you, Katie" he said in a lowered tone before kissing the back of his fingers and tracing them along the top of the stone, standing at the end for a few moments, trying to muster up whatever it was he needed to leave her.

"Sorry I've not been here much" Tony almost whispered as Gibbs walked of towards the car. "I'm not going to lie and give you some sort of excuse as to why i've not been here, it's just too hard. It's too hard to even think about you most of the time, and if it's hard for me, I can't even imagine what it's like for Gibbs. He's still taking it bad, blaming himself...he even quit and went to Mexico for nearly a year, although, I suppose you already know that, being up there and watching over us and all that...he needs you, Kate. I know it sounds crazy, you being dead and all but you need to help him, it's been three years and he's no better than he was the day you um, died. So if you could like, send him a sign or something...well, that'd be a great help. I miss you Kate, you always were a good partner. It's not the same without you...sleep tight" Tony headed back to the car and got in the passenger seat.

"She doesn't blame you, k'now?" Tony said quietly, feeling kind of stupid saying it but also he was nervous, he had never spoke about Kate with Gibbs.

"She might not, but I do but now at least she's safe, out of harms way. She's up there, looking down on us and protecting us. She's a guardian angel. My guardian angel"


End file.
